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Articles by Dr. Newman
Harness the Power of NO & Take Back Your Life
Are You Too Much of a Yes-Parent?
Fight the Pressure to Over-Schedule: 10 Tips to Take Back Your Family
The No Credo
by Susan Newman
As you become proficient at saying no, these rights will become standard operating procedure. This credo significantly reduces any trouble you might have. It is your bill of rights to the freedom and life you deserve. You have the right to:
• Make your feelings and desires known
• Establish and guard your personal boundaries
• Keep your needs in the forefront so saying no is possible
• Exercise your power and choice to say no
• Repeat no until you are heard
• Use no to get your life in control and to be in control of it
• Weigh the fallout of saying no
• Request the details before committing
• Postpone an answer; stalling for time is your prerogative
• Refuse anyone who insists on an immediate answer
• Turn down those who flatter or attempt to con you into a yes
• Withhold explanations in an attempt to soften your no
• Avoid tasks beyond your ability or expertise
• Alter a request to make it — or part of it — manageable
• Suggest someone else or offer an alternative solution
• Say no initially and change your mind later if you wish
Say "Yes" to these Resources
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5 Steps To Politely Declining Invitations
Follow these steps to decline in a way that will leave everyone feeling good.
How to Say No To Your Boss
Saying yes could get you in hot water. Saying no can cause trouble too unless you do it the right way.
Ten Ways to Make More Time for Your Kids
Determined to put the focus on family, a group of moms and dads in Minnesota has organized a community group, Family Life First. Its mission: To get all the folks in Wayzata, Minnesota, to rethink their hyperactive lifestyles. Try the group's ten hints on avoiding a frantic fall.
How to Stop Being a People Pleaser
Say No Without Feeling Guilty or Embarrassed: If you're a people pleaser, you can't say no without feeling guilty. Here's 3 ways to balance your needs with the needs of others and how to stop being a people pleaser.
Examples of "Say It - And Mean It" Scripts |
• The Scenario
"Will you be my maid of honor (best man)?"
What's going on here: She picked you over one of her sisters. It doesn't get more flattering - or shocking - than that. The maid of honor or best man often has a larger financial commitment than the bridesmaids or groomsmen. Tally the responsibilities: hosting a shower, organizing the bridal party, being available to run errands for and with the bride.
Response: "I am speechless to know that you think so much of me, that we are such close friends. It breaks my heart to tell you I can't accept. I would be cheating you if I said yes. I can't do all that needs to be done as well as I think you deserve. It's your wedding, after all."
Alert: Say no when you believe you will be shortchanging the bride or groom and will feel guilty about the duties you want to - but would be unable to - perform.
• The Scenario
"Can I rake the leaves later, Dad?" (Substitute most anything you ask your children to do. The operative word here is later.)
What's going on here: Asking for a postponement is a stall. Your child hopes you forget about the chore, or better yet get aggravated and do it yourself. He's banking on one or the other happening, and in a busy parent's life your child comes out the winner if you agree to any form of procrastination.
Response: "No."
Alert: Children are speciaiists in avoiding tasks that smack of work. Have them do it when asked, no negotiation.
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