About Hogan Hilling
Hogan Hilling is a husband to wife, Tina and father of three children. Grant (age 20) attends Pepperdine University and plays for the men's volleyball team. Wesley (18) who is disabled, diagnosed with Angelman Syndrome, lives in Murrieta, California. Matthew (14) attends Mater Dei High School and plays for the boy's varsity volleyball team. Hilling and his family live in Newport Beach, California.
Hilling is also co-founder of HusbandsMatter.com and the author of The Man Who Would Be Dad. Hilling was a stay-at-home dad for 16 years. During his at-home dad tenure, he co-founded several fatherhood projects; the most notable is Proud Dads, Inc., through which he provides a consulting service on fatherhood for hospitals and other parenting related organizations.
About Jesse Jayne Rutherford
Jesse Jayne Rutherford is a mother, freelance writer, and ghostwriter. She has
co-authored Speaking Up: How to Help The Children You Work with Who Live
in Abused Homes, Save the Date: A Curriculum for Teens on Developing
Healthy Dating Relationships, a high school curriculum which she wrote on
staff at The Family Violence Project.
Jesse also writes regularly for TakeLessons.com, CEUPros.com, and ObesityHelp.com, and provides ghostwriting services to a variety of clients.
She has been an honored guest and award recipient at writing events
throughout Southern California and Tijuana. She lives with her family
Southern California. Contact her via her website at JesseRutherford.com.
Visit MomsGuideToDads.com
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The Modern Mom's Guide to Dads:
Ten Secrets Your Husband Won't Tell You
A 2008 National Parenting Publications Awards (NAPPA) Gold Medal Winner!
Have you every scratched your head about your husband’s parenting style? Have you and your husband ever fought over the differences in your parenting philosophies, or about how involved he should be as a dad? Have you ever wished you and your husband could parent as a team instead of as rivals? If so, i’ve written this book for you.
In every chapter you’ll find stories from my life and from other dads’ lives that shed light on each secret dads keep from their wives, quotes from real dads about their feelings, helpful tips and a section called “And a Mom Wants You to Know”, written by my co-author and your contemporary mom, Jesse Jayne Rutherford.
This book reveals ten secrets your husband won’t tell you - but I will - in 10 easy-to-read chapters that clarify your husband’s behavior while respecting his feelings and the difficulties he faces. I call it a “parenting relationship” book.
Book Chapters
1. Our Marriage Comes First
2. The Birth And Pregnancy Are A Big Deal For Us, Too - And Here’s Why
3. We Are Afraid We Won’t Be Able To Provide
4. We Feel Guilty When We Don’t Spend Time With Our Kids
5. We Are Deeply Affected By Our Own Fathers
6. We Can Take Care of Babies and Kids
7. We Can Take Care Of The Household
8. We Don’t Want You To Be Supermom!
9. And We Can’t Be “Superdads”, Either
10. Dads Are Not Moms
Hogan’s Slogan #62
“Nag him and he’ll forget on purpose. Show him
and he’ll roll his eyes. Let him do it and he’ll do it proudly.”
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Helpful Tips from the Book: |
Reducing Conflict With Assertiveness
The most effective and least conflict-inducing way to ask your husband for something is to ask for it assertively. Start with an “I” statement and follow up with a simple request, and then stop. Here are a few examples*:
• “I have my hands full. Can you please carry the trash out on your way to the car.”
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“I don’t have time to help the kids with their homework tonight. Can you please check their spelling?”
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“I have a headache and need to lie down. Can you please take care of dinner tonight?”
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For more ideas on reducing conflict read Chapter 5, We Are Deeply Affected By Our Own Fathers.
Hogan’s Slogan #91
“Lucky is the parent who can strip away all the material possessions and be content and happy with what’s left: the marriage and children.”
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Getting Your Husband Involved in the Household
• Turn chores into projects. “Project” is a more manly word than “chore”.
• Trust him not to burn the house down. Now go on that weekend getaway and leave no instructions.
• Encourage first attempts at tasks like laundry by thanking him instead of pointing out mistakes. Say, “Thanks for folding the clothes,” rather than “Fold the pants in thirds instead of halves!”
* For more handy tips and a description of the “three-pronged” approach, read Chapter 7, We Can Take Care of the Household!
Hogan’s Slogan #47
“Supermom does not exist.”
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Helpful Resources:
'Gender Wars': Men and Women on Parenting
In part five of a special series, experts give their he-said, she-said take on between-the-sexes differences in child-raising styles
Teaching Marital Communications
When couples are not communicating effectively, when they are not getting most of their basic needs met in the marriage, I try to teach them one or more of the following four communication skills, which I believe are essential to success in marriage.
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